I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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