youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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