It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
