FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
