I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what is it with giant penises always finding me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
