so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
