got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
