I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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