I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
