White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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