is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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