Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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