if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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