I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
