Only a mothe r could love this liver
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
