My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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