Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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