I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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