Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
