my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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