Say something about gay babies.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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