dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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