I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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