She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
