if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
