Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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