We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
