you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
