sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
