I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
