I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Your cock deserves a montage
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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