lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
