I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
