there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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