He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
