Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
