what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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