You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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