we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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