I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
