Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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