I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm both gender and math confused
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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