fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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