i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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