i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
