My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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