You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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