After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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