the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just forgot I was standing up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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