i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
