Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
