i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
