Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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