I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
