there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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