I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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