All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
