Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize