On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
