She said her name was "party"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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