If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
