like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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