i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
