Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
