I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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