I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
