my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
