My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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