it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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