The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
