dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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