@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
