So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
