you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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