he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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