The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
