Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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