checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
