so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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